Humor: English spoken

* In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotels towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read this notice.
* In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is bring fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
* In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter lift backwards, and o­nly when lit up.
* In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each o­ne should press a number of the wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
* In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
* In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
* In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
* In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

* In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
* In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: Not to perambulate the corridors during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension. * o­n the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
* o­n the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm’s own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people’s fashion.
* Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
* In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.
* Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.
* In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. * From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow exhibition of Arts by 150,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
* A sign posted in Germany’s Black Forest: It is strictly forbidden o­n our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in o­ne tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
* In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
* In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
* In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time. * In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take o­ne of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
* Advertisement for Donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like a ride o­n your own ass.
* In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today – no ice cream.
* In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner is dressed as a man. * In a Tokyo bar: Special cocktails for ladies with nuts.
* In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
* o­n the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
* In a Norwegian cocktail lounge: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
* In a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard o­n duty. * In the office of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.
* In an Acapulco hotel: – The manager has personal passed all the water served here.
* Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are the best in the long run.
* From a Japanese information booklet about using the hotel air conditioner: Cools and Heats: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. * From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
* Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance: – English well speaking. Here speaking American.
* Thailand Advertisement: Coca Cola brings your ancestors back from the dead.